This has probably been a harder struggle for me than for Mike - although he's had the disappointed and angry emotions - he's usually better about dealing with them! I on the other had am not always the best at dealing with my emotions.
However, I did for the most part, vent only to God and dealt with my emotions with Him instead of taking them out on anyone else. The honest emotions were anger and frustration and a lot of questioning. In my eyes this was perfect for us in every single way - there wasn't a negative about it. I thought that we were perfect for the position, and everyone I talked to thought that we were perfect for the position too! But I'm not God and neither is anyone else ... and apparently this wasn't the perfect position for us. God has something else in store for us.
The hardest part is going through something like this and feeling like the only thing we got out of it was a big fat character struggle! And also, knowing all the right answers and Truths of the Lord in my head but not feeling them on a real level or in a real way.
God has sure tested me through this. This was the first time - that I can really remember - where I was out-and-out angry with God. I was mad - and I told Him so! But it was also really good for me to experience that feeling and to communicate it with Him - just Him. It's a small reminder of what I'm supposed to be doing every single day with every single emotion that I encounter.
Well, on another note. We still do not know where we will be living and we are moving out on Sunday. We will either be in Prior Lake or in Eagan. If we can get our money back (long story) from Prior Lake then we will for sure be in Eagan. If we can't get our money back then we will probably be in Prior Lake. I'm torn between the two. I really like and want the Prior Lake apartment because we would be in a 3 bedroom with a really nice kitchen! And it's extremely affordable. The Eagan one is affordable too but it's only a two bedroom and it's smaller than the two bedroom we're in right now. :( But it's also closer to everything and everyone!
I'm off ... to feed the baby! The wonderful baby George.